Monkeys
by maddiej93
Summary: Monkeys. I’ve always hated them. People ask me why and I find this the stupidest question in the world. I just hate them. No particular reason at all. I just… hate them. Moliver with a slight smidge of Lackson. R&R!


**Hey all! Sorry I haven't updated any of my stories in a while…**

**Please check my profile for an important message at the bottom of my page. I'm sure many of you would like to know what it says, although I'm pretty sure you won't be pleased with what it said.**

**Anyway.**

**This is a short little oneshot that I thought of when I was watching a Youtube video. It had these two pugs and they were afraid of these two stuffed monkeys and they were barking **

**and going berserk. And strangely enough, I somehow found a connection between pugs and Oliver. So read the story and please R&R!**

* * *

**_Monkeys_**

* * *

Monkeys.

Monkeys are sent from Hell itself, I swear.

I've always hated the little brown things that smell like my grandmas laundry room (which doesn't exactly smell like roses. More like dirty socks and other clothesicle items. Ahem. If you get what I mean.).

I've always hated them. People ask me why and I find this the stupidest question in the world.

"Why do you hate monkeys? They're so cute!" "Oliver, you are crazy man. Monkeys make the world a better place. I mean, they're almost as cool as catching a big wave on a… non-wavy day." "Oliver, like, why the heck do you like, totally HATE monkeys? They're like, so cute and like, they make me want to hug someone!"

I just hate them. No particular reason at all. I just… hate them.

I guess there may be a reason though…

* * *

FLASHBACK:

"Ollie, Ollie, let's go to the zoo!" A five year old Lilly Truscott exclaimed from the kiddy pool in her backyard.

Oliver, sliding down the little slide, decided now would be a good time to spray her with a watergun.

"OLLIE!" Lilly squealed peevishly when the ice cold water hit her in the face.

"What? Ooh… hotdogs!" Oliver said happily as he jumped out of the pool.

"OLIVER!" Lilly screamed. "Do you want to go to the zoo I said!"

"Zoooph?" Oliver asked, chewing a bite of hotdog.

"Eeew, Oliver! Chew, then talk! And yeah, zoo, haven't you heard of them? They have elepants, ebras, lions, and even COWS!"

"Of course I know what zoos are," Oliver said after swallowing a bite of hotdog, "and cows don't sleep there. They sleep at farms. Just like you sleep at your house and I sleep at my house."

"Ohhh… will what about… turkeys?"

"Turkeys aren't real, silly."

"KIDS! GET DRESSED WE'RE GOING TO THE ZOO!" Lilly's mom called from the kitchen window.

Forgetting about their conversation, the two children ran inside the house, one abandoned hotdog lying on the ground.

LATER

"Lils, the lirawns scare me!" Oliver complained as he backed away from the cage.

"RAWR!!" The lion emitted as a small child tried to stick his fingers into the small bars.

Oliver screamed.

The lion rawred again, louder.

Oliver screamed again, louder.

"Okay let's go." Lilly's mom said hurriedly and pulled the two kids by the cage.

"Mommy, I want to see the monkeys!"  
"Monkeys are scary." Oliver admitted.

Lilly giggled. Oliver giggled. They both giggled.

"Okay. Monkeys it is."

Later again

"Awwh, look! A baby!" Lilly squealed.

"Lils, that's a BIRD."

"No it isn't! It's a baby monkey!"

"Bird!"

"Monkey!"

"Bird!"

"Monk-"

"Oliver's right, honey. It is a bird."

Lilly stomped off and pouted.

As Oliver began to turn, he felt something hot, wet, and smell hit the back of his head.

"Uh oh…" A small girl said from her stroller.

Oliver put his hand to his head.

"Oliver NO!"

"Heehee, Oliver's got monkey poo on his head!"

And Oliver began to cry.

End of Flashback

* * *

I shuttered. Suddenly, my phone rang.

"Hello, Smokin Oken on the line. How may I help you?"

"Oliver, it's Miley…"

"Oh. Right. What's up?"

"Not much. Hey, look, I was wondering," She was cut off by a voice talking in the background, "oh right. Lilly and I were wondering if you wanted to go to the zoo. oupThere's a new monkey exhibit and Lilly said you love monkeys so how about it?"

"Lilly…" I murmured under my breath in anger.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"So are you coming or what?"

"I don't know…"

"Please?" Miley asked. Oliver could see her puppy dog face as if she were really standing in front of him.

"Fine. What time."

"We'll pick you up at six."

"We? And who's driving?"

"Jackson. He's coming too… I'm not sure why. He normally hates zoos, but I guess he wants to see his real family. We just adopted him, you know."

"Right. I'll be ready." And I hung up.

* * *

One hour later, at the zoo

"Let's see the camels first." Lilly said.

"Okay." Miley agreed.

Jackson rolled his eyes.

I nodded my head once.

Soon, we reached the exhibit.

There was a little girl who looked to be the age of six, giggling hysterically. "Mommy, look, there's a camel giving 

another camel a piggy back ride! And they're making funny noises!"

Our group burst into giggle fits as the lady and her daughter quickly walked away, much to the girl's dismay.

"I've had enough of llama porn." Jackson said, turning away.

"They're camels." Lilly pointed out.

"Same thing." I said for Jackson.

He shook his head in solemn agreement.

"MONKEYS!" Miley shrieked, causing me to drop my ice cream cone.

I sent her daggers with my eyes, but she took no notice.

Just like a woman. Girl. Thing.

* * *

We got to the monkey cage.

"Ooh, they look kind of like you, Oliver!" Miley said happily and she watched two monkeys pick ticks and other god-knows-whats off each other.

I scowled in annoyance and disgust.

"Oooh, look, frozen lemonade!" Lilly said, dragging on Jackson's hand, glancing at Miley. "You go Juliet. I just hope it doesn't turn out like the actual play…" And then she skipped off, Jackson loping behind her.

"What was that about?" I asked.

Miley looked down a little and bit her lip.

"Um… look, Oliver, I need to tell you something."

"Shoot." I said, truly having no idea what she was about to say.

"I-I can't." She stuttered.

My eyebrows knitted together. "Why?"

"But I can show you."

She grabbed me by the shirt and before I could say "chest hairs!", she kissed me.

And as quickly as it happened, it ended, much to my great unhappiness.

"Why did you stop?" I wanted to know.

Miley looked down, her cheeks glowed red with what I guess was embarrassment.

"Because… I kind of I think I'm in love with you."

"You… love me?" I asked, dumbfounded.

"Yeah…" She said quietly.

"Well THAT'S a relief." What a stupid thing to say.

"What?" Miley asked.

"I love you too, Miles. I love you too." And I patted her head.

And, for some reason, I no longer hate monkeys.

Poor me.

Monkeys were a good animal to feud with but I guess now I'll have to go with… pink flamigos.

They are the gayest color in the world AND they smell bad. Really bad.

Miley and I shared a longer kiss, and I asked her to be my girlfriend.

She happily agreed.

So, monkey lovers, you can no longer dispise me because monkeys have gone from my worst enemy to my favorite animal.

Hurrah.

**Meh. I didn't like the ending, I have to say. You know what to do, I'm sure. Make my**

**day and send a review.**

**I'll be updating all three of my stories soon. Stay tuned.**

**And I'm out.**

**Literally.**

**Not literally.**

**Wait.**

**Okay I'll shut up and get working on my other projects. Yay. Ahem.**


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